The Unbolused Cookie

Embracing both the planned and the unplanned.

My Diaversary

Gabrielle Sharkey Oldfield

My Diaversary
Thursday, December 03, 2015

The one year anniversary of my Type 1 diabetes diagnosis hit me harder than I expected.  I knew it was coming.  Honestly, I have been keenly aware of each day that has passed since December 2, 2014.  I keep feeling like I should be over it already, for crying out loud, it has been a whole year.  But I don't feel over it.  Not at all.  

I was looking through some photos leading up to my stint in ICU.  I look pretty normal, though a little too thin.  What those photos don't show is a thirst so intense I would fall asleep in bed with a pitcher of water and a straw.  I'm not exaggerating.  Do you have any idea how difficult it is to balance a WHOLE pitcher full of water with you at the perfect angle so that you can use a straw while laying your head on a pillow?  If you do, I'm guessing you have diabetes as well and probably has some of your own stories to tell.  

As bad as diabetes is, that thirst was worse.  Eating like a teenage football player and continuing to drop weight--while seemingly awesome--was tarnished by the fear and resignation that something must be terribly wrong with me.   I was pretty sure I was dying, but I was afraid to have the doctor confirm it.  

In the early hours of December 2, 2014,  I woke up unable to catch my breath and my husband took me to the ER.  I was too tired to even care what was happening to me.  The fear was gone and I just wanted to be done.  That was a strange place for me and my type A personality.  I do remember being a little angry that the doctor and nurses kept asking me questions.  I mean seriously if tanking in the middle of an ER isn't reason enough to let a girl take a nap, I don't know what is.

A lot has transpired since my diagnosis. I've connected with some amazing women with diabetes--each of them is funny, vibrant, and willing to share their wisdom.  That has been a gift to me.  If they can do it then I can do it.  In the last year, I've run four 5ks, one Mudderella, and a half marathon.  Each one of those has been my way of thumbing my nose at my busted pancreas and rogue immune system.  More impressively, though, may be my mad math skills.  There is no incentive quite as powerful as a good meal to find your inner mathematician.

I don't have an awesome wrap up to this piece.  I just felt like I should commemorate, in some way, one of the most significant moments of my life.  Even if it was significant in a "well this really sucks" kind of way.  It does make me a little tired when I think about the possibility of having Type 1 diabetes forever and always having to take insulin shots.  It gives me cramps when I think about testing my blood sugar multiple times a day for the foreseeable future.  I feel fairly certain that the recurring five-second countdown to elation (a good blood glucose number) or utter despair (anything other than a good number) will ultimately result in an act of violence on my glucose meter.  Except I'm not sure Kaiser would cover a replacement so I may have to just use harsh language instead.  

I guess the bottom line is this, I may be afraid of Kaiser and my new and decidedly unaffordable health care plan, but I am NOT afraid of diabetes.  

Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see.  Hebrews 11:1